Saturday, 13 October 2007

The lowdown

Well I guess it is time to spill the beans on what happened, now that it is over. It is, truly, a very random story. I sometimes wonder if merely having a blog to write is the trigger for bizarre events to happen to me. Perhaps, perhaps not. I'm sure someone has written about it somewhere in the blogosphere if I felt like looking.

Anyway, let's describe the event:

[Major on telephone to Mrs Gripe, entering corridor that leads to toilet (at work)]

Large Man Cleaning Corridor: You can't come in here. GET OUT!

[you will know me well enough by now to know that my response was 'hmm, being barked at. Ok, ignore that command'. Major proceeds to toilet. Large Man follows Major into toilet.]

Large Man, No Longer Cleaning Corridor: I will have security walk you out. I know my rights. I will not let you go to the toilet.

[Major ignores man and proceeds to urinal. Large Man, No Longer Cleaning, grabs Major by the arms and drags him back.]

Large Man, Eyes Flashing: I will not let you go to the toilet. I am going to get security.

Major, Cheeky Scheme In Mind: OK, off you go.

[Large Man leaves, Major's plan works, Major returns to urinal. Large Man, Vanquished returns and pushes Major into corner]

Large Man, Enraged: You are disrespecting me as a cleaner

Major, Perplexed and Dishevelled: Umm, well I'm fine with you being a cleaner. I do disrespect your people skills though.

[Large Man, Desperate now moves in front of urinal and leans back against wall. Major considers, and then decides against, pissing on him, and walks away into the cubicle. Large Man, Desperate follows Major into cubicle]

Large Man, Apparently Fighting Now Not Just For Family But For The Honour Of The Whole Of Nigeria: I WILL NOT LET YOU GO TO THE TOILET

[Large Man, Lost It Long Ago now at the edge of despair, lunges at Major and uses bodyweight to push him to floor. Then grabs Major by torso and drags him out of the toilet.]

Major, ruffled, manages to get out of toilet and gets to Security, who intervene.

Major, somewhat shocked by the surprise events, heads off home to Mrs Gripe.

So there, now you know. Thank you to Animal for his concern. No recovery necessary, though.

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