Sunday, 23 September 2007

The Sleuth, The Whole Sleuth...

Miss Marple wants to be more careful if the entire UK population does indeed get put onto the DNA database. While slothfully tangled in the duvet eating breakfast in bed, I have just witnessed her sneak into the murder scene in the library at the back of a stately home, while the police were at the front door trying to gain entry. Not content with breaking and entering, she proceeded to wander round the murder scene picking up all sorts of objects without wearing any gloves. She must have left a fingerprint and DNA trail that even the most useless police officers could follow.

I wonder whether all of the smug 'if you've got nothing to hide' brigade would condemn the octogenarian busybody if she were to be hauled up on charges. After all, it's not like she hasn't got form. She leaves a trail of murder wherever she lives. After all of the deaths in her village, the population must be decimated - and yet the fresh meat to cull in each episode must mean that people continue to move there. Perhaps this is because the programme didn't go out live, or perhaps they didn't check the relevant part of Bet they're regretting it now, from the other side.

Anyway, I've wandered off the point. Perhaps I've been looking at this whole DNA database thingy the wrong way. Yes, the loss of freedoms undermine our case for being the 'free world', but just look at the benefits. Long after Miss Marple, Hercule Poirot and Dr Mark Sloan are in The Clink, we can turn our attentions to TV property developers and celebrity chefs. Then the great society that we all crave will truly be born, free from their menaces.

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